I am transmitting this message to warn all living humans around the vicinity of Springfield. Stay away from Billiard and Bar Stools on Main Street. It is crawling with zombies. Well, it was. I was just there, and, quite honestly, don't know how I survived. Earlier today, I left my home billiard room base to find replacement billiard cue sticks since my last, remaining billiard cue stick had been broken in an earlier country store skirmish when I was looking for food...and dog treats. Talk about the backwoods family from hell. This undead family was a literal walking nightmare. I broke my strongest graphite cue over papa zombie's ugly head, then impaled ma, junior, and the twins with the nub.
Sorry, I digress. I went out alone to ensure the highest level of stealth and avoid detection by undead eyes. I had done this plenty of times before with no problems, not only to avoid risking the safety of others in the group, but also to allow for the highest level of discreetness. If everyone else is back at "home billiard room base," I don't have to worry about my position being compromised.
Since Billiard and Bar Stools on Main Street was right down the street from the country store I had just visited, I decided to venture there, in hopes of finding plenty of strong billiard pool cues and balls (or zombie weapons) lying around. I knew the risk would be high, since Billiard and Bar Stools lies in the heart of the Springfield Strip, but I did not expect to encounter what I did. Finding more cue sticks was a necessity, as my supply at home was completely diminished. I pried open the side door at Billiard and Bar Stools with my gigantor-sized crow bar (I have yet to be able to locate a smaller one), which immediately caught the attention of four zombies behind the bar. I could barely step inside before they were on me, grabby arms, rotten teeth, and all. I fought them off and disposed of them quickly, but swinging around that heavy crowbar already had me winded.
The entire billiard hall was completely torn apart. Table felt ripped apart, billiard cue racks and bar stools thrown around, and tons of blood and bodies...everywhere. I didn't have much time to look around before more undead began lunging at me from every direction. Naturally, the only billiard cue rack I spotted with any pool cues in it was on the other side of the pool hall. Without delay, I hurried towards it, splitting open a fresh zombie skull with each step. After crawling under two billiard tables and jumping over another, I was able to grab a stray cue stick off of the ground beside me. Upon standing, I broke the cue in half over my knee to make two weapons instead of one. I had to sacrifice length and a safer distance of a longer stick due to the insanely, exponential amount of undead opponents. Plus, swinging a heavy crow bar in one hand and a pool cue in the other may throw off your balance, possibly hurling yourself unexpectedly into a zombie's death clutch.
After a few seconds of this continuous nonsense, I realized there was no leaving Billiard and Bar Stools alive until every last zombie in there was dead. One after another they perished, as I quickly reduced the undead hoard to a pile of rotting stench. After dropping the last one and finishing off a few crawlers, my eyes once again fixed upon the cue stick rack in the corner. As my heart rate slowed, I gained my breath and hurried over. After gathering the pool cues into a bundle, I collected my things, including a few billiard balls (billiard balls inside of tube socks makes for great zombie-head-bludgeoning-weapons), and left, ignoring several faint moans coming from the heap of undead covering the billiard hall floor.
Billiard and Bar Stools used to be a fun place to visit...both relaxing and exciting all at once. Not anymore. Damned undead. Will this madness ever stop? It seems to be getting worse every time I go out...more and more undead and less and less living. Seems they have taken over most of the major businesses in Springfield. And if the little community of Springfield is this bad, what about other cities...major cities? My "home billiard room base" is becoming the only place left where my acquaintances and I feel somewhat safe. Just remember, if you must go out, be extremely cautious. Our rivals are extremely instinctive and even more apathetic. Try to go out in small groups, as going out alone is becoming increasingly risky. And for God's sake-and your own-take a strong weapon, either a crow bar, pool cue, or something similar. This is your life! Arm yourselves accordingly! And stay alive!! Future transmissions upcoming...
Billiard and Bar Stools on Main Street is completely stripped of usable pool cues. Trust me. I know because I took them all. If you need a strong, sturdy, and arrow-straight billiard pool cue to defend yourself in this undead nation, then quickly go to Billiard N Bar Stools to arm yourself and stay alive!
Matt Warmann is a 36-year old who loves creative writing, sports, and many other types of recreational activities. He has aspirations to write motion picture screenplays, and currently has three registered.
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